3rd grader cries after his teacher gifts him a new pencil case and pencils, says he doesn't know how to be grateful for it: 'It's just that I already have pencils. Is this your whole gift?'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jan 12, 2025 1:00 PM EST

There's a lot of theatrics involved when receiving a gift. Most of us are genuinely incredibly grateful when somebody thinks highly enough of us to get us a present, but our reactions can get over the top. I've been drilled from day 1 of being alive that no matter how you feel about a gift, whether you think it's dog ugly or already have it, you need to act like it's the greatest thing since sliced bread and thank the gifter profusely. At this point, I can barely tell if I actually like a gift the moment it's given because the performance of gratefulness is far more important than the gift itself. 

Not everybody can hold back their disappointment when getting a gift they don't like. If you're expecting an Apple Watch from your husband and he gets you a whoopee cushion, it will probably show at least a little bit on your face. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10452666624
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

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  • The young boy in this story is one of those people who wears his heart on his sleeve. When his 3rd-grade teacher got the whole class special pencils and pencil boxes for Christmas, he was overcome with emotion. His teacher soon discovered it wasn't the emotion she expected from him.

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    My Christmas present made a student cry

    I teach 3rd grade at a title 1 school, so I decided to splurge a little bit on my students this year. I bought them all a set of personalized pencils, cute pencil cases based on their personal interests, and some erasers. Around $6/kid, and I have 45 students.
    via u/mablej
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    SCHOOL SUPPLIES
    via Kelly Sikkema

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    I have first prep, so I have them for about 10 minutes after arrival before they go to specials. All of the kids seemed touched, excited, thankful. I look over and one boy has tears just streaming down his face and he is refusing to line up.
    via u/mablej
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    I send the rest of the class off, and let him stay with me during my very much needed prep. He won't communicate, and I'm assuming there's something going on at home and he's dreading break (this is common for my community). I put on Arthur, get him a pop tart and juice, squishmallow, and tell him I'm ready to listen when he's
    via u/mablej
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    ready. As the end of my prep, I'm like, "hey, the class is going to be coming back in here in a second. Do you want to talk?" He points at the pencils and says, "I just don't know how to be grateful for this." You mean you don't know how to say you're grateful? "No. It's just that I already have pencils. Is this your whole gift?"
    via u/mablej
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    Omfgggg. No other teacher in that building got their kids anything bc we are paid sh. So I ask him if he doesn't want them. "No, I'll take it, I guess." I was so shocked. I had no words. Still don't.
    via u/mablej
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    Cheezburger Image 10452669696
    via Alexander Krivitskiy

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Dragonchick30 Excuse me what? Here I am, thinking that it's because he's so happy, etc. But no. UGH
    via u/Dragonchick30
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    mablej OP My first concern was really about his home life. I know his family is food insecure (we always stuff his backpack up with leftover breakfasts), and his mom often forgets to pick him up! But then I was like, aww, maybe he knows I see him and know him and care about him. Naw, lol.
    via u/mablej
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    OutrageousWatch1785 If it helps - he may be playing cool. It's not cool to feel grateful over something small. Also, that may be his only present this year and the realization all he's getting is a pencil from a teacher may evoke that kind of reaction.
    via u/OutrageousWatch1785
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    Top_Craft_9134 • 12h ago If that's the case, then maybe he often gets pencils for Christmas and has negative emotions about them as gifts. Or he's sad about what could have been, because if you're "rich" enough to buy everyone pencils then to him you're probably "rich" enough to buy him something he doesn't have, but he got more pencils instead. Or his family saves for Christmas and he interprets Christmas as the only time each year he gets anything other than necessities, so receiving something
    via u/Top_Craft_9134
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    If his family can't afford food, and either is so overwhelmed or neglectful that they often pick him up late or forget to, then this response only appears to be entitlement, like a teenager yelling at their parent saying they'll never talk to them again and that they hate them.
    via u/Top_Craft_9134
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    Notice he didn't say anything until you prompted him (twice, it sounds like) and he was honest when he did communicate. He trusts you. Something about that gift was triggering for him (and I mean in the clinical, real sense based on his physiological response) but I would absolutely not jump to being offended.
    via u/Top_Craft_9134
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    Paramalia Honestly, from the reaction you described he was probably feeling A LOT of things. The lack of gratitude for the pencils might just have been the easiest to put into words. It seems like he was upset about not being grateful too.
    via u/Paramalia
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    DifferenceOk4454 There's something to this, the words and nonverbals do not match up.
    via u/DifferenceOk4454
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    Hurricane0 This is exactly what I was coming here to comment! There is definitely more to it than him just being a greedy punk. Being disappointed in a teacher gift, even angry over not being something 'better', doesn't really seem to jive with his reaction. Temper tantrums, sulking, saying something insulting, or indifference? Yeah that would track. But this kind of emotion makes me think that there is more to it. You don't necessarily need to go digging to find out what it is, but I wouldn't t
    via u/Hurricane0
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    the_monkey_socks Yes! When you are used to seeing all the kids around you get "awesome" things and your only personal gift is a pencil from a teacher, it's normal to feel super conflicted. I talked about how I was a Christmas angel kid, even though my parents had the money. It was because otherwise I wouldn't get anything. So as an adult now I have a hard time accepting gifts, even things I ask for. It's almost like an entitlement of "Well finally. Somebody thought about me."
    via u/the_monkey_socks
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    And while monetary value doesn't mean anything, the child knows pencils are cheap. Also they know the whole class got a set, so while it has their name it isn't as personal as people think. My step grandparents got my sisters and I personalized things like that and that would be my only gift from them while their biological grandkids got way more stuff. So yay. I got a gift, but they got the same gift plus more. It creates lots of resentment, even for people not involved.
    via u/the_monkey_socks
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    scoutopotamus I had a third grader do something similar. I don't do Christmas gifts but had made the students hot chocolate, gave them free time for arts and crafts, extra recess, and put on a movie. At the end of the day one boy was sobbing and pounding his fists on his desk. I asked him what was wrong and he screamed, "Where's my PRESENT? I want a PRESENT!!!" The other kids looked at him with wide eyes and lined up to go home for Winter Break. It didn't help that the teacher a few doors down h
    via u/scoutopotamus
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    Su_imagination_0909 As discouraging as I'M SURE that was, please don't let it take away from the fact that you did something so kind. It sounded like you really take care of your students and that's what matters. Keep up the good work :)
    via u/Su_imagination_0909
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    nospecialsnowflake Ok, if you think about it, this is really sweet. He recognized that you did a kind thing for him and felt badly that he couldn't make himself feel “grateful” for it. I think in truth he WAS grateful for the gesture, but that concept was too big for him to understand. He thought because he didn't feel passionate about the actual gift that meant he didn't appreciate your kind gesture, and he was crying because of that. Seems like a pretty nice kid with a big heart and big feelin
    via u/nospecialsnowflake
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    mablej OP That's a really great way of looking at it! I do think it demonstrated a great deal of emotional intelligence to recognize the incongruence between "should feel" and "do feel." He has also since been very careful with his pencils, kind of proudly and gently taking them out and putting them back in his new case, using them every day.
    via u/mablej
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    I also KNOW that they don't, or didn't, have pencils at home. I had his sister last year, and she'd need to borrow a classroom pencil to do her homework.
    via u/mablej
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    timmyturtle91 I dunno, he DID recognise that he should be grateful but didn't know how to be.
    via u/timmyturtle91
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    mablej OP I was actually impressed with his ability to recognize how he "should feel" versus his own feelings! It was just the silent tears streaming down his face, literally pooling on his desk... I was seriously concerned and about ready to send him to the social worker lolol
    via u/mablej
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    I_LoveToCook I wonder if in his head he was thinking 'this is the only gift I'm going to get and I already have it'. Not saying it's right, but it's not coming from a selfish place, just a 9 year old at Christmas that knows Santa isn't coming.
    via u/I_LoveToCook
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    Poppins101 He most like had crazy high expectations. He is a kid. They get emotional, get angry, happy, sad etc up and down. Please do not judge him. You gave him time and grace. Thank you! By the way, my husband woukd buy winter gear on sale at the end of winter, for my next years class to give warm hats, gloves, coats and socks. He did this for fifteen years.
    via u/Poppins101
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    One year when I gave out the gear to those in need, a student who had a very wealthy two parent home was passed off he did not get a pair of heavily discounted K Mart mittens. The giving of the items was done very discreetly and not every student got an item.
    via u/Poppins101
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    Any how the mom was pred off and complained and I was ordered to not continue assisting my needy students. The mom pulled in a $250,000 as an administrator and every child helped by us were in extreme poverty.
    via u/Poppins101
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    mablej OP weird. All of my kids sorta That's so "know but don't know" who needs more stuff, and they're really kind about it. We pool together all of the unopened breakfast items (some even sneak an extra bag to have more to contribute), and backpacks get discreetly stuffed at the end of the day, no complaints. I have really drilled into them the difference between equity and equality, though.
    via u/mablej
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    mr_taco41 Was this kid excited about the idea of getting a gift? And after the anticipation, disappointed by the pencils? I remember my nephew once receiving golf clubs as a young kid. He had already said earlier in the day he's not interested in golfing. But my sis had already got him some clubs for his present- Such a tall box, so much build up to "what could this big present be?" He unwrapped it, and couldn't hold back the tears from disappointment- and worse was he didn't want to seem ungrat
    via u/mr_taco41
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    mablej OP No build-up at all. I never said I was getting them anything. It was a surprise on their desks when they came in, unwrapped.
    via u/mablej

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